My pride

As a gay man the idea of pride used to fill me with dread, and I couldn’t wait for June to be over. Primarily since being homosexual felt wrong for a long time, I wasn’t flamboyant like shown in the media and I felt very isolated due to my sexuality. The pride events that take place in June should be about bridging communities, building foundational relationships, and embracing people’s individuality. But by failing to represent everyone equally, these events can reinforce certain stenotypes, be off-putting to outsiders and create barriers unintentionally.

So, let’s go back to when I came out – I had told a friend about how I felt, and they decided to share my secret with the world. When people found out, it wasn’t like it is in the movies with a party and hugs. Instead, I was accused of lying about my sexuality and that I was simply doing it for attention. Society has determined that certain groups need to fit a specific stereotype to qualify for receiving inclusive treatment. As a result, there are thousands of coming out stories similar to mine, where people don’t fit the established idea people have about a gay person and so simply dismiss something hard to do - like coming out.

Coming out feels like such a big thing at that age. It is almost barbaric at this point that it needs to be done in the first place. Being gay is not a choice that we make as teenagers, it is simply how we feel and who we can find an emotional connection with. So why then, do we need to come out in the first place? The immediate parallel is saying you wouldn’t expect a heterosexual person to have to tell everyone, and it should be the same that a homosexual does not need to tell everyone.

There is some stigma in society that we assume the sex of an individual's partner, and this is based solely on our preconceived judgment of their sexual orientation. I frequently get asked what my wife does for work, and awkwardly have to tell people that I have a husband. Interactions like this are uncomfortable for both parties, often resulting in embarrassment and reinforcing the mindset of not asking about other people.

Currently, we talk about ourselves a lot, we share superficial details about what we had for dinner and where we want to go on holiday. But we don’t share anything significant. For most, there is a fear that something they say might be construed as offensive, so rather than ask and get into trouble. They instead keep quiet, as at least if they don’t say anything, then they can’t get into any bother. This is a clear breakdown in open communication and ultimately this can lead to some unhealthy outcomes. Areas of the world are becoming increasingly homophobic, due to a lack of understanding and our response shouldn’t be reinforcing that being gay equates to being flamboyant.

Rather, anyone can be gay, or fall anywhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum. Simply not being heterosexual does not mean you are magically different from your straight counterpart. The world has this idea that being gay means that you need to have a life ruled by barriers and obstacles. It does feel this way, there are beautiful countries that I don’t think I’ll ever get to see due to their laws on sexuality and fear over what would happen if I went.

But pride is really about bridging gaps that exist within society. We need to stop treating sexuality as a label, but instead, embrace it as a part of a personality and not the defining characteristic. Do not be afraid to ask someone about their partner, just phrase it in a gender-neutral way and allow for open dialogue that doesn’t reek of assumption. No one should feel ashamed of being different, as a community pride allows us to embrace these differences and feel proud of being ourselves. My pride is to live my life to its fullest, pursue my goals, and communicate openly with my audience. A barrier supported by stigma is broken when that image is shattered. Let us shatter the idea that being an individual is somehow a bad thing, and come together to celebrate being unique.